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From the winter of 1989 leading into 1990 to the winter between 1990 and 1991, I was indeed in the middle of the era of loss. 

A man who couldn’t possibly be called alive, just barely breathing, was reading Haruki while hiding in a boarding house somewhere in a backalley in Sinchon, where Kim Hyun-sik’s songs were flowing like sewage. 

“저는 그저께 한국에서 왔습니다.  당신을 만나려고”

“I came from Korea two days ago to meet you.” 

무엇인가 의아스럽다는 하루키의 표정에는,

정말로 나를 보려고 왔단 말이오?  무엇 때문에? 라는 물음이 담겨 있었다.

Haruki opened his eyes wide. His dubious face seemed to ask such questions as “You really came to see me? For what?”

나는 조금이라도 더 지체하고 싶었다.

무슨 할 말이 따로 있는 것은 아니었다.

아니, 하루키에게 책을 내밀던 바로 그 순간 나는 분명히 알아차렸으니,

그게 무엇이냐고 누군가 내게 묻는다면...

그것은 하루키라 해도 자신이 내게 던져놓은 질문에 대한

해답을 가지고 있지는 않으리라는 사실이다.

I wanted to drag out this moment for a little bit longer. It wasn’t as if I had something special to say. No, I realized the moment I opened up the book in front of him. If someone asked me what that realization was, it was the fact that even he wouldn’t have the answer to the question he had asked me.

# Interview 4 (Jeon)

The main character tried for a long time to find an answer to his problem through Haruki. In the end, he finds a way to salvation. When Wun-hyeong went to meet Haruki in this story, he hadn’t hoped to find the answer in Haruki. The story is an introspective journey where he looks straight into the question and attempts to find the answer within himself. Based on the movie “The Descendants,” the answer is that an individual forms a harmoniously cooperating community founded on the individual’s own ethics. This is only an ideal theory, but this story doesn’t end with Wun-hyeong achieving such an ideal. The main character writes a story in the last scene, which represents his resolve to not let go of his idealism. This story illustrates this author’s literary principle.

나는 나 자신을 팔지 않겠다고 결정했다.

사람에게는 두 개의 대립하는 유전자 쌍이 있다.

하나는 오로지 자기 자신만을 위해 살도록 한다.

다른 하나는 타인을 생각하며 살도록 한다.

전자는 늘 후자보다 우월하다.

하지만 그것이 유전자인 한 후자 또한 자기를 버리지 못한다.

나도 본성에서부터 이기적인 인간의 운명에서 벗어날 수 없다.

나 또한 이기적 유전자에 의해 작동되는 인간일 수밖에 없고,

그러한 자기 자신을 바로 보지 못하는 착각적 존재일 수밖에 없다.

끝내 찾지 못한 하루키의 문장처럼 나는 나 자신을 착각하며 살아가는지도 모른다. 

I decided not to sell myself. There are two opposing genes in all human beings. One gene makes you live only for yourself and the other gene for other people. The former is always superior to the latter. But since the latter is also a gene, we can’t discard it either. I myself cannot escape from the inherently selfish fate of a human being. I am a human being who is operated by the selfish gene and a delusional being who cannot look at oneself honestly. Just like Haruki’s quote that I couldn’t find, I may be living with the wrong idea about myself.

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Bang Min-ho (Born in Yesan, Chungcheongnam-do Prov., Jun. 10, 1965~ )

Debuted by winning the 1st New Critics Award of literary publication “Creation And Criticism” in 1994