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“Saw” by Kim Eun

#Books on Demand l 2022-07-26

Books on Demand

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The emergency room was as bright as day. The first thing that I saw under that bright light was my grandmother’s breasts exposed to attach all sorts of machines and lines. With her breasts uncovered like that, the doctor called her time of death. I felt the urge to stuff the doctor’s mouth with my hands. It would have taken only a few minutes to close the shirt and tidy up the sheet. If I were my grandmother, I wouldn’t have wanted to meet my death like this. 

또 생길지 모르는 범죄의 가능성을 막기 위해서라도

부검이 필요하다는 여자 경찰의 말을 삼촌은 듣지 않았다.

대신 그의 어깨를 밀치며 병원 밖으로 내쫒았다. 

Uncle didn’t listen to the policewoman who insisted that an autopsy was needed to prevent another crime. Instead, he shoved her out of the building.   

나는 어떻게든 삼촌을 설득하고 싶었다.

그건 할머니를 위한 것이기도 하지만

나를 위한 것이기도 했다.

이대로 이 일을 묻어서는 안 된다고 말 하려고 나서는 내 팔을 엄마가 붙잡았다.

이제 그만하라는 뜻이었다.

I wanted to persuade my uncle using whatever means possible. It was for my grandmother but also for myself. I started to say that this incident should not be buried when my mother grabbed my arm. It was her way of telling me to stop. 

나는 그들이 절대 인정하지 않음으로써,

모든 현실을 부정하고 싶어 한다는 것을 알았다.

그리고 그건 그들이 감당할 수 있는 유일한 선택 같았다.

I knew that they wanted to deny the truth by never acknowledging it. It seemed that was the only choice they could live with. 

# Interview 2 (Bang)

The grandmother, who lived an immaculate life, died in an accident. She supposedly fell in the bathroom and died of a concussion or a heart attack, but her underwear happened to be off. So, it was assumed that it wasn’t just an unfortunate accident, but the result of a crime. The narrator, the old woman’s granddaughter, makes a reasonable assumption that Seong-ho could have committed this crime. She is in a dilemma between whether to make a big issue out of this or carry on with the funeral as if nothing was wrong. She is in the same quandary at the academy with her student. The writer put the main character in two similar situations for an overlapping effect.

나는 아직 조문객 하나 없는 빈소를 빠져나왔다.

어쩐지 이 밤이 끝나지 않을 것 같다는 생각을 하며 주차장으로 향했다.

I left the funeral parlor empty of mourners. I headed toward the parking lot while thinking that this night would never end.

쉬지 않고 차를 몰면 원장이 출근하는 시간에 맞춰 

학원에 도착할 수 있을 것이었다.

원장이 나를 보면 어떤 표정을 지을까.

그리고 그를 만나면 무슨 말부터 해야 할까.

하지만 한 가지만은 확실했다.

더 이상은 결코 함부로이고 싶지 않았다.

If I drove without stopping, I could probably arrive at the academy to catch the director on his way to work. What would he think if he saw me? And what would I say when I see him? One thing was certain. I was never going to be a pushover.

Kim Eun (Born in Damyang, Jeollanam-do Prov., Oct. 5, 1966~ )

Debuted with children’s story “Imagination Genius Ki-chan” in 2009

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