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There wouldn’t be that many acquaintances in S village. There would be my in-laws, who didn’t come to our wedding, and my brothers-in-law. And there would be the children. 

I heard Yeong-su was nine years old and Bok-hee seven. 

What are they like? 

Would they be somber like their father? Or would they be nice like their mother whom I only heard about? 

Will they call me mom? 

What would I feel the moment I see them? 

나와 결혼한 이후론 가끔 자리를 가지고 병원 진찰실 옆방에서 자는데,

친한 동무와 얘기하는 걸 들으면

그런 밤이면 못 견디게 복희 엄마의 생각이 나는 때라 한다.

After we got married, he sometimes slept in a small room attached to his office. Judging from what my friend Deok-sun told me, those nights must be when he greatly missed Bok-hee’s mother.

모든 조건이 나보다 남편의 마음을 끌게 생겼던 그 여자.

그 우직스레 생긴 남편의 순박한 마음을 독점하고 

죽어도 그 마음에 깊이 자리 잡은 채 있는 그 여자...

그 환영은 곧 복희에게 있을 것이다.

그 애에게 그 애 어머니를 느끼고 남편은 그것으로 낙을 삼을 것이다.  

That woman had everything that my husband wanted. She monopolized my gruff husband’s sincere heart and remained deep in his heart long after her death. Her specter must be in Bok-hee. My husband will sense her mother in the girl and savor the feeling throughout his life.  

덕순은 쓸데없는 얘기를 했다는 듯이

그리고 내게 충심으로 미안하다는 듯이 나를 바라보았다.

나는 아무 표정 없이 시무룩해 앉아 있었다.

Deok-sun seemed to regret telling me all this and looked truly sorry. I just sat there expressionless and sullen. 

사람을 부리기만 하고 손끝 하나 까딱 않고 

놀고먹은 복희모는 남편의 마음을 독점했다.

나는 이 집의 하녀 노릇 밖에 더 한 것이 무언가?

그에게서 따뜻한 음성과 시선과 애정을 느껴본 일이 있는가?

Bok-hee’s mother, who only knew how to order people around and who never lifted a finger to do any house chores, monopolized my husband’s love. I have been nothing but this family’s maid. Have I ever felt his gentle gaze or true affection?

아니다. 한 번도.

No, never. Not even once.

# Interview with SNU Korean literature professor Bang Min-ho

The story describes a woman’s psyche in detail. It’s about the ironic situation of a modern woman who becomes a third wife. She wants to become a classy, modern woman, but at the same time establish herself as a wife who runs an efficient household. She educates and loves her stepchildren while she is consumed by her jealousy of the ex-wives. She lives in a very complicated and contradictory life in which she resents the second wife’s mother while performing her daughterly duties for her in-laws. Lim Ok-in knitted the character’s different aspects together to shape a relatable human being. 

나는 속으로 중얼거렸다.

그리고 내 속에 움직이는 내 유일한 ‘고것’은

나서, 커서 저 애들보다는 몇 배나 더 잘할 것만 같았다.

I mumbled to myself. And my own ‘being’ squirming inside of me would do many times better than them. 

덕순이를 절교해버린 내 주위에는

집 식구 이외엔 강아지 새끼 하나 어른거리는 것이 없었다.

이런 외부의 사교에서 멀리멀리 떠나도 털끝만치도 고독과 허전함을 느끼지 않는다.

내 속에 커가는 한 생명이 내 유일한 벗이요, 가장 소중한 존재이다.

나는 ‘내 것’이라고, 이렇게 생각하는 것만으로 가슴이 터질 듯이 기쁘다.

After cutting ties with Deok-sun, I had nobody around me except for my immediate family. Even after distancing myself from other people, I never felt lonely or empty. The life that grows inside of me is my sole friend and the most important being. It is mine and just thinking about it makes my heart swell in joy.

내 주위는 점점 제한되어가나 그러나 내 마음은 무한정으로 확대되어 가는 것 같다.

나는 이런 내 세계에서 내 뱃속에 커가는 아이의 태동을 빙그레 웃으며 느끼는 것이다.

My social circle keeps getting smaller, but my heart seems to grow infinitely larger. I smile as I feel the movement of my baby growing big inside my womb. 

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Lim Ok-in (Born in Gilju, Hamkyongbuk-do Prov., Jun. 1, 1915~Apr. 4, 1995)

Debuted with short story “Garden Balsam” in 1939